Boys, Boys, Boys

I'd like to say I ran today, but I would be lying and no one likes a liar. I packed my stuff for the gym, but when the work day ended and it became time for me to go, I wasn't feeling it. I couldn't even convince myself to change into workout gear. I will do my little arm workout while I watch Thursday night TV (side note: why is 30 Rock on so late? I just space out through the other shows until it's 10 p.m.).

OK, onto 30 for 30. Today I get to tell you about how I am basically a loser when it comes to love. The post calls for me to write about my first kiss and first love. Technically my first kiss from a boyfriend came from my first grade boyfriend He had his ear pierced and most of our conversations consisted of deciding which earring he would wear the following day. He only had 3 so you would think this conversation was limiting. In the land of 6-year-olds, it wasn't.

You may be thinking, whoa, Cheryl is on the fast-track with boys. Not so much. I didn't have another legit kiss until I was 18. No high school boyfriend to speak of. (I'm not making excuses now--I was kinda gangly and shy--but our boy selection wasn't so great either.) But in senior year I finally gained some weight and was making better clothing and hair choices.

For love, I cannot say I was actually in love with someone until I was 20 and I have only been in love twice. I wanted to be in love, but I also knew I didn't want to kid myself or force a feeling that wasn't real.

It's funny--when I wasn't dating guys or falling in love, I always felt self-conscious about it. Like there must have been something wrong with me. But now, many years wiser, I feel OK with sharing these feelings and I'm kinda glad I was such a wallflower and didn't lose my virginity with some skeezy kid I didn't even like in his parents' basement freshman year or dated any old dude just to say I had a boyfriend.

A Blast of Cold Air

I had every intention of running tonight. But the weather did not comply. It’s been raining and just raw outside all day. Tomorrow it’s only going to be 34 degrees, so it’s back to the gym for me. Uggghhhh.

Yesterday I did a quick 2 miles (quick as in a short distance not as in my pace, just to clarify). Today, I’m doing an arm workout from Women’s Health, since I kinda neglect my upper body and I realized the only body part you’ll really see on my wedding day is my arms. Time to get cracking. 

Now for today’s 30 for 30 entry: How I see my future. Bright, shiny, and no work in sight. That’s the dream, but the reality is a little more like husband, kid or two, dog, cat, house, yada yada yada. It would be great to finally, finally get a book published and also earn my Ph.D. All things that are tumbling around in my brain.

Chronic Grass is Greener Syndrome/I Can't Get No Satisfaction

When I looked at today's 30 for 30 topic--name a time you have been satisfied--I was instantly concerned. See, I have what is called "Chronic Grass Is Greener Syndrome." If I was wearing a cute red dress and saw someone in a cute blue one, I would think I should have bought my dress in blue. If I am shivering in winter, I instantly envy everyone who lives in California. If I get a job I kinda like, I instantly want someone else's. It's a vicious cycle, and one I wish I could break. So I can't tell you a time I'm satisfied; as soon as I get something I want, I'm already looking at what's next. Some people might call this ambition, but I know better.

I've been HAPPY for sure, but I have never been 100% satisfied with anything in life. Except for maybe this pair of Kenneth Cole boots I bought at Christmas. Those babies are pretty darn perfect. You can dress 'em up, dress 'em down. I'm wearing them as I type this:)

Oh yeah, and I'm going to run 3 miles today.

Hey Baby, What’s Your Sign?

I finally got a run in on Sunday. Did a 5k in 34:39. Not quite the time I was looking for, but at least I did it. I tried using the goal setting function on the Garmin and I told him I could run this 5k in 33 minutes flat. Man, I was totally defeated when I had less than .14 miles left and I didn’t meet the goal. I’ll tackle this time goal again Tuesday.

Now for the next installment of 30 for 30, which is my zodiac sign and if it fits me.

First off, does my sign even matter since now that the earth is in a different position everyone’s sign changed (or something like that)? So allegedly, I’m an Aries. That means I am adventurous and energetic; pioneering and courageous; enthusiastic and confident; and dynamic and quick-witted. It also means I am selfish and quick-tempered; impulsive and impatient; and foolhardy and daredevil. These descriptions are pretty accurate.

But if we go to the “new” signs, that probably makes me a Pisces. I don’t know what those traits are because I thought I was an Aries for the past 29 years. I’m too lazy to really find out about this other sign, so I’ll just keep being an Aries.

Trying to be Interesting

I really hope I can come up with 30 interesting things about me (interesting is in the eyes of the beholder, right?)

   1.       I was seriously into professional wrestling as a kid—watching it not doing it. I once even got Summer Slam on pay per view on a birthday once.

   2.       I can tell you the entire plot line to every Full House episode if you give me the intro.

   3.       I belong to a running group that runs with shelter dogs.

   4.       My favorite runs are when I cross into another state (PA to NJ)

   5.       I was first-chair clarinetist in high school.

   6.       I was a Big Sister to a 10-year-old last year.

   7.       My parents didn’t allow us to have any uncaged pets growing up, so I adopted my first cat at 22 on a whim. (Still have her—she’s 8 now.)

   8.       F. Scott Fitzgerald is my favorite author and I secretly hate Hemingway.

   9.       I have never watched Star Wars—any of them.

  10.   My dad passing away was the hardest obstacle I’ve had to overcome.

  11.   I never see myself having a permanent job—I move on every 2 years or so.

12.   I want to earn a Ph.D. one day.

13.   I spent a weekend building houses in West Virginia for habitat for Humanity. 

14.   I participated in a Cake Walk.

15.   I once met Davy Jones of the Monkees.

   16.   I was proposed to on a chartered boat.

   17.   During college, I was editor of the student newspaper.

   18.   I won first place in a national editorial writing contest in graduate school.

   19.   The first prize I ever won was a coloring contest at Pizza Hut.

   20.   I LOVE rollercoasters and amusement parks.

   21.   Old-time photobooths are one of my favorite things—we’re having one at the wedding.

22.   I haven’t been in a wedding party since I was 5 an a flower girl, but in 2012 I will be a bridesmaid in 3 weddings with a possible 4^th.

23.   I have never run more than 9.25 miles.

24.   I’m taking up piano lessons at 29.

25.   I really want to ride a motorcycle one day.

26.   I have a mild obsession with buying shampoos, and it took my about 3 years to stop buying them and use all the ones I had up.

27.   Tulips are my favorite flower.

28.   Eating and drinking outside are my favorite summer pastimes.

29.   All I want is a house at the beach.

30.   I’ll be 30 in April.

Getting Personal

If you’re into math, you’ve probably realized I’m not exactly on target with my 30 for 30 (I missed a day on Thursday, but that is because I had to be in D.C. for the morning and then get back to Philly for a work event that didn’t end til 8 p.m.). I was exhausted and couldn’t even form sentences.

But I will soldier on. My running has also been lacking this week. I ran Tuesday and…that’s it. I am going to do 4 miles today and possibly tomorrow as well. I think I need to sign up for a race instead of just thinking about it to get my butt out the door. I also plan to buy a bike helmet this weekend so I can take my new bike out for a spin next week (if the questionable Northeast weather stays nice).

And now the 30 for 30. Today’s topic: A time when I thought about ending my own life.

Well, I can’t say I ever have. My life isn’t all kittens, cotton candy and roses either. I’ve lost a lot of people in my family: grandparents, aunts, uncles and my dad 18 months ago. We only get a little time on this earth, so enjoy it. And not everything that happens will be enjoyable. Losing my dad is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He battled cancer for 1.5 years, and I’ll never forget the day he told me he was going to go on hospice (i.e., there was nothing else the doctors could do except make him comfortable) and he said that he loved his life and he wasn’t afraid to die. Those words still make me cry (I teared up just typing them), but they also make me happy in another way. My dad definitely lived his life the way he wanted to and made the most of it. I just hope I can do the same and when my time comes, I can be as accepting as my dad was. 

I did have a friend once tell me she was thinking about suicide—she’d thought about how and when—after a particularly hard break-up with a boyfriend. Ladies, guys are NOT worth your life. You are amazing on your own—a guy should enhance your own satisfaction and happiness, not be the source of it. If you have a friend who is depressed, get that friend help and be supportive.

Like a Prayer

This 30 for 30 is getting dicey. Good thing not many people read this blog because I’m probably setting myself up for a lot of hatemail with this post. My views on religion, eh? I will preface this post by saying that I’m Catholic. I was raised that way and on the whole, I dig it. That being said, I will also say I have to reconcile some of my more humanitarian beliefs with my religion—gay marriage being one of them. I hate the way the Catholic Church demonizes the gay community—aren’t we supposed to be loving our neighbors as we would ourselves? I 100% support gay marriage.

Oh, and the whole treating women as second-class citizens mentality is also not cool. It’s one of the few institutions where women are blatantly kept out of powerful positions. I kinda doubt a higher power is only interested in giving a call to religious service to men.

One last thing—I’m pro-choice, not pro-life. I just don’t believe the government or the church should have any say in what a woman and man choose to do in a personal situation.

My other overarching view on religion is that no matter what faith you subscribe to, in the end, we all have the same God—I think we just each have different ways of worshipping and expressing our faith.

Whew. That’s way too much soul-searching for a Friday.

3-0 Record

I did run! Only for 2 miles, but I was quite pleased I dragged myself outside at all. Tonight I plan to also pound the pavement. Unless it’s raining—then I’m going to do some On-Demand Jillian Michaels. Seriously, that woman doesn’t quit.

And to keep with my 3-0 record of posting on this 30 for 30, here is day 3:

My views on drugs and alcohol? Yes, please. I kid, I kid. I’m a pretty straight and narrow kinda gal about drug usage. I don’t mind if other people do it—it’s just not for me. In fact, a party I attended recently was nothing but pot. It was in everything—cake, tacos and even the vodka. No biggie, I just stuck with my wine.

So yeah, as you can see alcohol is OK by me. I’m not a big drinker. Maybe a little on a weekend or at a dinner, but my days of frat parties and puking have been over for a long time. I try to keep it classy now. However, I may need to do some heavy drinking on my birthday this year—I’m not sure 30 will agree with me.

I Will Run Tonight. I Will Run Tonight. I Will Run Tonight.

As you can gather, I should have run last night. I really had no reason not to. It was still light out thanks to Daylight Savings Time, I got home at a reasonable hour, and it was fairly nice out. But I sat on my couch and ate chips and queso. Tonight I WILL RUN!

And now for part 2 of 30 in my monthly installment: Where do I want to be in 10 years?
That's probably the question I generally dislike at job interviews. How should I know? I've been out of college for almost 8 years now and what I have wanted to do has changed a bit over that time. I thought I wanted to work for a big newspaper. Been there, done that, don't want to do it again. Then I thought I wanted to do PR. I do that now and that's not the right fit either. So careerwise, it's a mystery to me as to what I will be doing in 10 years. However, I will say I have been quite passionate about education lately and where the system is breaking down and failing children (and I know it's not just the system and there a million other factors that contribute to this). However, that said, I teach a college-level writing course on the side and many of my students can't identify a verb in a sentence. That is a problem. I don't have a solution, but maybe I could do some research that would help someone smarter than me concoct a solution.

In my personal life, in 10 years I hope to have some kids, a house, a pool and a dog. Typical suburban dream, I know. I also hope that I'm still writing in some way and still running. I'd also like to live closer to my family so I don't just see them a few times a year. I miss being with my sister--look how cute we are together

30 for 30 (Hopefully)

I have been a bad blogger. I feel really guilty about this (not because I have tons of followers—umm maybe I have 5?) but because I write for a living. I wordsmith all.day.long. Plus I did spent 5 years of my life studying writing and I spent 5 years of my life writing on deadlines for newspapers yet I cannot manage to write blog entries very often. Embarrassing. So I’m stealing this challenge from Kim in hopes that I will get my rear in gear and actually write on a regular basis.

So here we go. Day 1.

Current Relationship: Engaged/Deadbeat-Bride-to-Be

Don’t get me wrong—I love Andrew, and I am thrilled to be getting ready to spent the rest of my life with him (Aug. 20 is when the magic happens)-- BUT wedding planning is lame. Or maybe I’m lame. I just am not into the whole bridal shower/bachelorette party thing. Maybe because I’m 29 and I’m 90% sure if I were 25 I’d be eating those things up. Then there’s all the little details to work out. Seriously, every time I think I have made some big accomplishment in planning, there is something else I needed to have done, like, yesterday.

Even my fantasy of registering where I twirled around a store with a registry gun picking everything I had ever wanted and now don’t have to pay for fell kinda flat. It was fun at first, but then it just became exhausting. The intricacies of flatware patterns seemed endless.

So now that I’ve been a total Debbie Downer, I will say some of the planning has been awesome. Trying on dresses was the most fun thing ever! I love quite literally every dress I tried on. I could have bought any of them and been happy.

Venue-hunting was also fun, and now we have booked a DJ and are trying to pin down a first dance song. I’ve narrowed it down to “You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago (70s classic) or “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Andrew surprisingly leans toward “Lucky,” but the power ballad-ness of Chicago just calls to me. 

Just writing this has calmed me down.