My Day in Bullets

For this 30 for 30, I'm going to list my entire day. I'm sure this will be endlessly fascinating.

• Wake up at 7:20 a.m.; nudge annoying cats to side for 5 more minutes of sleep
• Feed said annoying cats
• Get ready for work (drink coffee, put on make-up, fix hair, get dressed)
• Arrive at work, eat breakfast at my desk while doing social media posts for day (for work, not personally)
• Boss gives me birthday flowers since she is off tomorrow and I find a vase and place them on my desk.
• Work on creating documents for speakers bureau we are developing
• Meeting from 11-noon
• Eat lunch at my desk while grading papers for my teaching gig
• Working on communications team we are creating
• Update work website
• Cupcake and fruit birthday party given by co-workers
• Explain to co-workers why I don't want to turn 30
• Hang birthday card covered in cats on office door (they know me too well)
• Work on constant contact stuff
• See if Modcloth has gotten the scarf I want back in stock (Whoa, this blog post is really showing me for the crazy cat lady I am.)
• Debate purchasing other scarf I want and then see it's out of stock until May 2.
• Write this blog entry now because I am afraid I otherwise won't

So the following bullets have not occured yet, but I assure you they finish out my day:

• Drive home from work
• Feed cats dinner
• Change into cleaning clothes
• Wash running clothes
• Clean bathrooms, kitchen and vacuum (Fiancee was charged with doing the rest of the cleaning this afternoon)
• Grade papers I didn't get to this afternoon
• Shower
• Cry over my last day of being a 20-something.

Boys, Boys, Boys

I'd like to say I ran today, but I would be lying and no one likes a liar. I packed my stuff for the gym, but when the work day ended and it became time for me to go, I wasn't feeling it. I couldn't even convince myself to change into workout gear. I will do my little arm workout while I watch Thursday night TV (side note: why is 30 Rock on so late? I just space out through the other shows until it's 10 p.m.).

OK, onto 30 for 30. Today I get to tell you about how I am basically a loser when it comes to love. The post calls for me to write about my first kiss and first love. Technically my first kiss from a boyfriend came from my first grade boyfriend He had his ear pierced and most of our conversations consisted of deciding which earring he would wear the following day. He only had 3 so you would think this conversation was limiting. In the land of 6-year-olds, it wasn't.

You may be thinking, whoa, Cheryl is on the fast-track with boys. Not so much. I didn't have another legit kiss until I was 18. No high school boyfriend to speak of. (I'm not making excuses now--I was kinda gangly and shy--but our boy selection wasn't so great either.) But in senior year I finally gained some weight and was making better clothing and hair choices.

For love, I cannot say I was actually in love with someone until I was 20 and I have only been in love twice. I wanted to be in love, but I also knew I didn't want to kid myself or force a feeling that wasn't real.

It's funny--when I wasn't dating guys or falling in love, I always felt self-conscious about it. Like there must have been something wrong with me. But now, many years wiser, I feel OK with sharing these feelings and I'm kinda glad I was such a wallflower and didn't lose my virginity with some skeezy kid I didn't even like in his parents' basement freshman year or dated any old dude just to say I had a boyfriend.

A Blast of Cold Air

I had every intention of running tonight. But the weather did not comply. It’s been raining and just raw outside all day. Tomorrow it’s only going to be 34 degrees, so it’s back to the gym for me. Uggghhhh.

Yesterday I did a quick 2 miles (quick as in a short distance not as in my pace, just to clarify). Today, I’m doing an arm workout from Women’s Health, since I kinda neglect my upper body and I realized the only body part you’ll really see on my wedding day is my arms. Time to get cracking. 

Now for today’s 30 for 30 entry: How I see my future. Bright, shiny, and no work in sight. That’s the dream, but the reality is a little more like husband, kid or two, dog, cat, house, yada yada yada. It would be great to finally, finally get a book published and also earn my Ph.D. All things that are tumbling around in my brain.

Hey Baby, What’s Your Sign?

I finally got a run in on Sunday. Did a 5k in 34:39. Not quite the time I was looking for, but at least I did it. I tried using the goal setting function on the Garmin and I told him I could run this 5k in 33 minutes flat. Man, I was totally defeated when I had less than .14 miles left and I didn’t meet the goal. I’ll tackle this time goal again Tuesday.

Now for the next installment of 30 for 30, which is my zodiac sign and if it fits me.

First off, does my sign even matter since now that the earth is in a different position everyone’s sign changed (or something like that)? So allegedly, I’m an Aries. That means I am adventurous and energetic; pioneering and courageous; enthusiastic and confident; and dynamic and quick-witted. It also means I am selfish and quick-tempered; impulsive and impatient; and foolhardy and daredevil. These descriptions are pretty accurate.

But if we go to the “new” signs, that probably makes me a Pisces. I don’t know what those traits are because I thought I was an Aries for the past 29 years. I’m too lazy to really find out about this other sign, so I’ll just keep being an Aries.

Getting Personal

If you’re into math, you’ve probably realized I’m not exactly on target with my 30 for 30 (I missed a day on Thursday, but that is because I had to be in D.C. for the morning and then get back to Philly for a work event that didn’t end til 8 p.m.). I was exhausted and couldn’t even form sentences.

But I will soldier on. My running has also been lacking this week. I ran Tuesday and…that’s it. I am going to do 4 miles today and possibly tomorrow as well. I think I need to sign up for a race instead of just thinking about it to get my butt out the door. I also plan to buy a bike helmet this weekend so I can take my new bike out for a spin next week (if the questionable Northeast weather stays nice).

And now the 30 for 30. Today’s topic: A time when I thought about ending my own life.

Well, I can’t say I ever have. My life isn’t all kittens, cotton candy and roses either. I’ve lost a lot of people in my family: grandparents, aunts, uncles and my dad 18 months ago. We only get a little time on this earth, so enjoy it. And not everything that happens will be enjoyable. Losing my dad is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He battled cancer for 1.5 years, and I’ll never forget the day he told me he was going to go on hospice (i.e., there was nothing else the doctors could do except make him comfortable) and he said that he loved his life and he wasn’t afraid to die. Those words still make me cry (I teared up just typing them), but they also make me happy in another way. My dad definitely lived his life the way he wanted to and made the most of it. I just hope I can do the same and when my time comes, I can be as accepting as my dad was. 

I did have a friend once tell me she was thinking about suicide—she’d thought about how and when—after a particularly hard break-up with a boyfriend. Ladies, guys are NOT worth your life. You are amazing on your own—a guy should enhance your own satisfaction and happiness, not be the source of it. If you have a friend who is depressed, get that friend help and be supportive.

30 for 30 (Hopefully)

I have been a bad blogger. I feel really guilty about this (not because I have tons of followers—umm maybe I have 5?) but because I write for a living. I wordsmith all.day.long. Plus I did spent 5 years of my life studying writing and I spent 5 years of my life writing on deadlines for newspapers yet I cannot manage to write blog entries very often. Embarrassing. So I’m stealing this challenge from Kim in hopes that I will get my rear in gear and actually write on a regular basis.

So here we go. Day 1.

Current Relationship: Engaged/Deadbeat-Bride-to-Be

Don’t get me wrong—I love Andrew, and I am thrilled to be getting ready to spent the rest of my life with him (Aug. 20 is when the magic happens)-- BUT wedding planning is lame. Or maybe I’m lame. I just am not into the whole bridal shower/bachelorette party thing. Maybe because I’m 29 and I’m 90% sure if I were 25 I’d be eating those things up. Then there’s all the little details to work out. Seriously, every time I think I have made some big accomplishment in planning, there is something else I needed to have done, like, yesterday.

Even my fantasy of registering where I twirled around a store with a registry gun picking everything I had ever wanted and now don’t have to pay for fell kinda flat. It was fun at first, but then it just became exhausting. The intricacies of flatware patterns seemed endless.

So now that I’ve been a total Debbie Downer, I will say some of the planning has been awesome. Trying on dresses was the most fun thing ever! I love quite literally every dress I tried on. I could have bought any of them and been happy.

Venue-hunting was also fun, and now we have booked a DJ and are trying to pin down a first dance song. I’ve narrowed it down to “You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago (70s classic) or “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Andrew surprisingly leans toward “Lucky,” but the power ballad-ness of Chicago just calls to me. 

Just writing this has calmed me down.